Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Husbands Perspective

I just thought it was important that our family have a voice too. This affects them in many ways like us, especially us who are married. I know for me, my husband has lost the woman I used to be. I know some days how tremendously hard it is on him. They take so much of the grunt of our pain and frustration we have because of our disease. I want to give my husband a voice today. Here are some of his thoughts: Some days are harder than others but there is one thing about this situation we are in that I can never change: I can't fix whats wrong with my wife. As men we always want to fix a problem or find a solution, but when it comes to a disease like chronic pain, there is no easy answer or 12 step process. I have become angry at times toward Rachel and even myself for not being the supportive and loving husband I'm supposed to be. I never knew how tested my marriage vows would become when I said the words" in sickness and in health". No man is ready to face a problem or a foe they cant defend themselves or their family from. Yet for the past 6 years I have watched my wife endure this horrible battle with a faceless enemy that has taken everything from her. As her husband, I wish I could save her from this pain and suffering she is in, but unfortunately I cant. I have learned that I need to only try to listen. Listen and try to understand how my wife is feeling from day to day, moment to moment. Just being there to hold her and support her in any way I can is the best thing I can do as her partner and protecter. There will be days when the weight of the burden that this illness brings upon a marriage will feel unbearable. There will be days when your frustration and anger and guilt will get the best of you. There will be days when maybe one more trip to the emergency room will break your patience and concern...But just remember as her husband..."Im not the one fighting this disease....Im not the one in constant pain" Renew your mind and your spirit each day, and ask God to give you what you need when you feel you have nothing left to give. Listen, learn, and pray. I can only hope that some day I live to see her fully healthy and happy again. If not in this lifetime, I with stick by her side until the end.
I just hope hearing from myself and my husband this can help at least one person.
Gentle hugz......Rachel and Mike Silva


  1. Thank you Rachel and Mike for sharing this with me. My husband and I have had the same talk so many times. It is not just hard on the person that has the disease but also the husband, child, mother, father, etc. There are so many out there that doesn't understand. With the help of people like you maybe there can be some knowledge shared that can give hope to the family and give a little understanding. Sending gentle hugs. Jenny

  2. Loved it, I just read it to my husband....