As I sit awake at 12:43 am , as do so many other suffers do at night. I think the night sometimes is the worse, the wanting to sleep, the pain and feeling so alone. Even though your family is the house with you and your husband is laying right next to you. I find myself in such a struggle sometimes as I lay awake...I usually have the t.v. on in our room or the computer on.I do this to help me not stay focused on the loneliness and pain.I just feel so awful knowing my husband is trying to sleep to get rest to go to work the next day.I lay their tossing and turning, flipping the pillow and moving blankets on and off just to try to find some comfortable postion to sleep in. As seconds turn to mintues and mintues turn to hours. As the tears roll down my face, as I scream into my pillow from pain and frustation. So many thoughts run through my mind , I rememeber going to bed at night with my husband and just him holding me in his arms and falling asleep and waking the same the way. Now on most nights the pain prevents him even touching me, just horrible feeling when you are laying next to one you love. I so long for the nights when he can hold me close. Thinking sometimes, God why me???...where did I go wrong in my life, but knowing deep down that is not the God we serve.Our God does not punish us in anyway.I will lay awake crying my soul to Him clinging to His word,He will not waste my hurt in anyway.I may not see it now, but someday I will. As we do lay awake at night hold on to the promise our Heavenly Father.Know that you are not alone, there are many of us out there suffering brought together by one common thread. I pray for all of us tonite...Our Heavenly Father come to at Your throne and ask for Your Healing Oil to placed on all of us from the top of our heads to the bottom of our feet.That You may hold us close tonite and all Your angels surrond us.That we may awake renewed and refreshed in Your Spirit.Despite all the pain and frustartion we feel we can take the burden to You and leave it at Your feet, and You will carry it for us.I thank you and praise You for all that You will do all of us tonite.Amen My Sweet Jesus.